“For God, For Country, For Football” or “For God, For Country, and Football is brilliant, didn’t you know?”
Or something like that. Nobody really knows what the last word on the school crest – Socceri, Rugbyi, it would change with the seasons with every new sport Smedley invented – means exactly (it was the Headmaster’s attempt at Latin), other than one’s loyalty to God and Country should fare only marginally higher.

As for the rest of the design, there are two knights (as there are on half the crests in England), a small bee (the meaning of which I have no notion of), and some roses down the bottom (perhaps to appeal to the ladies who turn up each year and run the cake stall at the school fair). It’s a perplexing, slightly embarrassing crest that most of us pay little heed to, but which I am loath not to include here, for these things seem to matter to some people.

What else shall I tell you?

Well, it’s hard to go past the fact that Wentwillingsley has a long history of failure on the sports field. While we are viewed as ‘progressive’ by some, (after all, how many schools offer mixed-gender soccer matches?), I do wonder how many of those who clap from the sidelines at such great leaps forward have ever been on the receiving end of a cricket bat at the hands of Miss Jillian Beedingslump?

What should be a place of learning (I believe it is for some), personal growth (by way of physical combat and other methods) through the ‘best years of your life’ (as my father keeps saying), can also be a place of unexpected terror. After all, no one ever says you’re likely to get a gargoyle dropped on your head!


PS – Hover over the map to the right, to see the route Mr Spigglesworth and I took on the motorcycle to escape through the school.

Smedleys car - thumbnail

Sir Totting-Smedley
Wentwillingsley’s famous (for very specific and unusual reasons) headmaster.

Roger - thumbnail

Roger Spoffin
“I’m aware of the peculiarities of Wentwillingsley. Strange things happen in the place.”

Gargoyle - thumbnail

Sitting motionless, three to a side atop the chapel roof, gargoyles have have been a part of the school for over a hundred years.

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Roger’s school reports
“Everybody knows teachers write such reports when under much pressure and often get their facts wrong” – RS